I just need to do it without the dress
by Pooky1234
Summary: Jack Harkness is desperate to work but finds the only way he can get a job is in a dress. He meets Ianto Jones. This is based on the film Tootsie.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Jack Harkness is desperate to work but finds the only way he can get a job is in a dress. He meets Ianto Jones. Will true love win out? I have set this in the original time of the film so sexual attitudes reflect that time in the television industry. I have also used the original script but with a few twists.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters as they belong to Russell T Davies and the BBC but I do get to play with them. I also do not own Tootsie which is the property of Sony Pictures and the screenwriters. This is purely for entertainment purposes only.**

**Notes: This fic is written for reel_torchwood and is based on the film Tootsie.**

**Chapter 1**

Jack Harkness sat in yet another dressing room, preparing for yet another audition. As he applied the glue for the false moustache this part demanded, he thought of the would-be actors in his class; though to be fair, any actor was a would-be actor when over 90% of them were unemployed at the time. The kids in his class were all keen, going through the exercises of mime and voice control. Even Gwen turned up day after day, hoping that what she learnt that day might lead to a part that changed her life. It wasn't that Jack had never acted; he'd done stage, TV and adverts, but there was a problem and it was getting worse; Jack was considered to be difficult. He recalled his recent auditions. He'd been too young or too old or too short or too tall. But Jack wasn't prepared to compromise, despite telling the kids that, 'there was no excuse; you had to work.' So when he was asked to get up to cross to the centre of the stage when playing a dying Tolstoy by a particularly irritating director, his only response had been, 'not with me as Tolstoy!' In the end he'd worked out that no-one was going to employ him because they just wanted, 'someone different.' Luckily, his best friend Tosh was writing a play in which he and Gwen would star. So it would be off, off Broadway; that didn't matter. In the meantime he and Tosh were waiting on tables with others of the resting population of actors in Hollywood, because you had to find ways to work, didn't you?

'Did you rewrite the last scene?' Jack asked Tosh, as they gathered the food for their orders that shift.

'Yeah, 'Tosh replied, 'I rewrote the necktie scene.'

Later they were walking home. 'You rewrote the necktie scene without the necktie?' Jack continued as if it was still hours earlier.

'No, with the necktie.' Jack looked exasperated. 'But the necktie is what's wrong with the scene. Take the necktie out and you've got something.' Tosh sighed. Jack always knew better. This was her play and she'd do it her way.

'What's wrong with you, Jack?' she asked.

'I'll tell you what's wrong,' Jack replied stopping dead and looking at her. 'I hate being disagreed with.' Tosh rolled her eyes, knowing how often they'd reached this stage before.

'I know what it is; today's your birthday and you haven't even mentioned it. Time is slipping by, Jack, and you're not getting any younger.' The petulance leaked out of Jack's face. 'Don't start, I'm a character actor. Age means nothing to me!' Tosh pushed open the door to the stairs. 'Well, instead of being Jack the actor or Jack the waiter, could you just try being Jack the man, for a change?'

'And just who is that?' Jack asked as he pushed open the apartment door and turned on the lights.

'SURPRISE!' greeted him as he did and people raised their glasses shouting happy birthday.

'_Oh God_,' he thought and then noticed a few good looking people in the room. Some were worth a try; if it breathed Jack would usually try with varying degrees of success. Among the crowd he saw Gwen raise a glass. Poor Gwen Cooper! Jack knew she fancied him but well she really wasn't his type.

'To Jack, who's been my friend for six years,' Gwen began. 'He's a great coach, a great actor and just a great guy and this is a really dumb speech. Let's get drunk!'

The rest of the evening was spent with Jack hitting on anyone who took his fancy, the leggy blonde, the guy with the blue eyes and all the while Gwen tried to attract his attention and make him notice her. At the end of the evening she was more than a little drunk and Jack offered to take her home. They couldn't find a taxi.

'Well it's cheaper to get mugged,' Gwen replied. Jack thought she could sometimes be funny and he put his arm around her. He saw how wound up she was.

'It's this audition tomorrow. I'm never going to get it,' she explained.

'Why what do they want?' he asked.

'A woman!' she replied. Puzzled, Jack agreed to listen to her reading when they got to her apartment.

'You don't have a man so you act like one,' she began.

'What are you trying to show Gwen, I don't get it?' Jack looked at her.

'I'm trying to be angry. This is rage,' Gwen explained.

'Not _when you just look like the girl next door it isn't_,' he thought. 'That's nothing like rage. You couldn't scare anyone with that.' Looking at him all wide eyed and innocent Jack wondered how the hell he could get her to do this. In the end she got it because he just made her mad enough to take it out on him. Jack found he could make anyone annoyed with him without really trying! It was a gift.

'But the only way I'll do this is if you're there tomorrow to enrage me,' Gwen said. So the next day Jack accompanied Gwen to the audition. She wasn't there long.

'They said I wasn't right physically; they wouldn't even let me read. I'm going home.' Jack looked at her. 'To Wales!' she continued and walked away. However, despite his surprise, Jack had other things on his mind. While at the audition with Gwen he'd heard another actor had got a role he'd expected to be put up for. He was furious as he arrived at his agent's; John Smith, always known as Doc, braced himself when Jack stormed into his office.

'Doc, what the hell's going on? I should have been up for 'The Iceman Cometh.' Why wasn't I given an audition? It's your job to do that, Doc.'

The man in front of him looked over what Jack called his clever specs and replied with sarcasm dripping from his tongue. 'I'm supposed to field offers not find you things,' the Doc explained.

'Field offers? Who are you then Doc, the agent fairy?' Removing his glasses John Smith, who'd been Jack's agent for many years now, replied, 'Pots and kettles, Jack? Don't you understand no-one wants to hire you? When you played a tomato they went over budget because you wouldn't sit down.'

'I was a big beefsteak tomato. Tomatoes don't move so how could I sit. You know I can play vegetables, Doc. I played an endive salad that knocked the critics on their asses.'

'You're not listening, Jack. You're too much trouble. Get some therapy, please. NO ONE WILL HIRE YOU!'

With that a thought suddenly appeared fully formed in Jack's mind. Thirty minutes later he was walking down the high street, swaying slightly from side to side. Red wig, heavy foundation, a conservative, paisley blouse, brown mid-calf length skirt finished off with brown low heeled boots made up his costume. He looked at himself in the shop windows. '_It works_,' he thought. He needed a name, a good, solid old-fashioned name.

'Harriet Jackson,' the receptionist called and Jack, realising that was now him, joined the others. On the set he was brought before the director, John Hart. He was well known in Hollywood. He would sleep with anyone and Jack knew it as he appraised the man. He was good looking, yes and had that aura of power, but there was something sleazy about him that Jack found repellent. Still, he needed the work to do Tosh's play.

'This is Harriet Jackson, Doc Smith is her agent.' John Hart looked him up and down. Jack had never felt more self conscious in his life. '_Had he picked the right outfit_?'

'Hey honey, I'm afraid you're not right for this role,' he heard John Hart say. Sticking out his lower lip and ample bosom, Jack replied, 'Why am I not right for the role, Mr Hart?'

'I'm just trying to make a certain statement with this part and I'm looking for a specific physical type,' Hart responded, turning away.

'Mr Hart, I'm a character actress. I can play this part any way you want.' Jack was determined not to let this go.

Turning back Hart continued. 'You're just not threatening enough!' Jack felt that familiar anger rise inside him. He responded as Hart put his hand around his waist to guide him out, stopping suddenly.

'Not threatening enough, hmmm.' Jack pulled away. 'Take your hands off me or I'll knee you in the balls.' He raised his knee as if to do so and smiled inwardly as Hart grabbed himself to protect the part of his anatomy that he loved the most. 'Is that enough of a threat for you then?'

Hart gulped and suddenly everyone in the room, including the producer, Martha Jones, had stopped to watch. Jack realised he had the floor now; this was going to be his audition. He took a deep breath and continued, 'I think I know what you want. You want a caricature of a woman to prove power makes women masculine.' Jack looked deliberately at the producer. 'Shame on you! Shame on any woman that lets you do that! And that means you dear! Shame on you, you macho shithead! _Now control it, Jack_,' he thought and stalked to the lift, just checking to see that Martha Jones was following him.

'Miss Jackson. Was that for real or were you auditioning?' Martha asked.

'Which will get me the audition?'

Ten minutes later Jack was back in the studio. Feeling rather nervous he dropped the script. The pages scattered across the studio floor. Gathering them together, he looked up and met a pair of grey/blue eyes which were part of a simply gorgeous face and topped an amazing body. Jack felt a fluttering in his stomach. He mumbled a thanks. 'Sorry just nervous about the cameras I guess.' The vision opened his mouth and Jack thought he had died and gone to heaven when he heard that accent.

'Just think of them as something friendly,' the vision advised about the cameras, 'like a firing squad!' Jack lowered his glasses to watch the most perfect ass he had ever seen walk away from him. '_Just who was this gorgeous creature in front of him?_' he wondered before reading for the part again and maintaining the threatening attitude Hart had provoked.

'There's something about the way she delivers it,' Martha said. The producer and director looked at each other while each considered her for a moment. 'I gave her that direction,' Hart said.

'I like her' Martha said. 'Ms Jackson we'll send the contract over to the Doc immediately.'

'_Shit_,' Jack thought to himself he needed to see the Doc right now. As he walked to surprise the Doc, he realised that, in those few minutes, his life had changed. He'd met the man of his dreams and he'd won a leading part in a soap. There was only one problem, how the hell was he going to get away with it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Jack knew that he needed money and the only person he could get it from was the Doc. He knew where he'd find his agent and so he'd headed for the Russian Tearooms; the Doc was a creature of habit.

'Sorry Sir, could you tell me where I can find the Russian Tearooms,' he heard himself saying to his agent.

'It's here; you're in front of it,' the Doc replied, rather irritated but he showed no signs of recognising who Jack was.

'Oh how embarrassing,' Jack replied, staying in character.

The agent turned and pushed through the door. Inside there were lots of tables with plush red leather seats. It was a meeting place favoured by those in the business. Jack followed the Doc in and slipped into the alcove beside him. Keeping to his character voice he began, 'I'm new in town and I'm awfully lonely, how about you buy a girl some lunch?' Jack almost laughed out loud as he watched the panic in the Doc's eyes; he probably thought some stalker was out to get him. Jack lowered his voice returning to his usual pitch.

'Doc, Doc it's okay. It's me, Jack Harkness; the last job you got me was a tomato.'

The look on his agent's face was priceless as he took in the sight of the woman wearing the outfit in front of him, trying to match that view to the voice he was hearing.

'No, Jack. Oh God, I begged you to get some therapy!'

'I got a soap, Doc! You said that no-one would employ me but you're looking at the new woman administrator for Southwest General. They nearly didn't hire me because they thought I looked too feminine.' Pushing the boundaries, Jack put his arm on the Doc's shoulder when the waiter appeared. Turning it on, he flirted with both the waiter and the Doc. He could feel the Doc stiffen and not in a good way.

'You're never going to get away with this,' his agent hissed at him.

'Look around you, Doc. I am getting away with it and everyone is wondering who the woman is with her hands all over you. See; isn't that the stage director who's just won all those awards coming over. Introduce me.'

'Jack I can't!' But he did as Jack held his hand.

'Oh we go back years.' Jack explained. When the man left he told the Doc what he needed. 'I want a $1000, Doc. You have no idea how much this stuff costs and I need a whole new wardrobe.'

'You're psychotic!' the Doc exclaimed.

'No I'm not, Doc; I'm employed!'

An hour later Jack was loaded down with goods, having made sure that the clothes he bought fitted his character. He sat in the kitchen with Tosh.

'I've no idea how any woman manages to keep attractive and not starve. How do you manage it, Tosh?' he asked, genuinely interested.

'There are ways,' Tosh replied. 'And I don't have a six o' clock shadow to get rid of. Thank goodness I'm too small or you'd have raided my wardrobe by now! Tell me, Jack,' she continued, looking worried about her friend. 'I know you're flexible when it comes to men and women, but you're not thinking of swopping sides permanently are you? I'm not going to find that you want it chopped off or something, because I don't need the money for the play that much. Or is it just the outfits you like?' she added, stroking the silk of the slip Jack had bought. '_This colour would suit Mary_,' she thought.

'Don't worry Tosh, this is purely for the money but it's also a great acting challenge to see if I can pull this off. Can you imagine?'

'I'm just wondering what they'll do to you if they find out. Then you may lose your balls for real,' Tosh suggested. Jack's face clouded over.

'Jack, I didn't mean it; I don't think they'd really do that.'

'No it's not that; it's Gwen. I'm wondering how she'll cope when she finds out a man got her job,' Jack explained. 'She's already a bit flaky and talking about going home to Wales!'

'Tell her you got the money from a dead aunt then. She'll believe anything you tell her. She is pretty gullible where you're concerned, Jack.'

Later that day Jack went around to Gwen's to give her the good news. She was so excited. Jack liked Gwen, he really did, but she was so needy and with this news she flung herself at him. 'Oh Jack, I can't wait, my first lead role. I'll just shower and then let's go out to celebrate.'

While she was out of the bedroom Jack stood looking in the mirror turning from side to side. His stomach was fairly flat and he tucked his ass in, smoothing down the curves. The next thing he knew he was checking out Gwen's wardrobe and then he saw the dress laid out on the bed. '_It's perfect for Harriet_,' he thought. Without thinking he was just trying to get out of his trousers when Gwen came back in the room, wrapped in a towel. Jack stood there, clad only his briefs, with his trousers gathered at his knees. Instinctively he covered his nipples, his hands crossed over his chest.

'What are you doing?' Gwen asked breathlessly, wondering if finally she was going to get her heart's desire.

'_What the hell did he say_?' Jack wondered. There was only one way out of this and reluctantly Jack took it.

'I want you!' he said, holding out his hands.

'You want me?' Gwen replied incredulously.

'I want you,' he repeated, moving towards her with hands outstretched, trying not to fall over as his trousers caught around his ankles.

Twenty minutes later he was pulling on his jumper as Gwen lay in the bed watching him.

'Will I ever see you again?' she asked.

'Gwen, we've known each other for six years, of course you will.'

'Yeah, but having sex changes things. There's pain in every relationship eventually; I'd like to get mine over with now, so Jack….'

'Look we'll have dinner tomorrow night, okay?' Jack wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. '_Bloody hell_,' he thought, '_this was such a mistake_.'

When the alarm went off at 4.30 the next morning, Jack sat up quickly and wondered what the day would bring. It was then that the vision of the handsome actor he'd met at the audition came into his head. Jack was really excited by the thought that he would see him again in just a few hours.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When the alarm had sounded at 4.30, Jack had wanted to turn over and ignore it, as he usually did, but this morning was different; this morning he was starting his new job as the hospital administrator on a soap. He'd got a soap! And then the realisation hit him; he'd got soap as a woman and he had so much to do. Ten minutes later he was sitting in the bath shaving his legs, thinking yet again how did women do this? How did they afford to do this? This was followed by what Jack discovered was an absolute form of torture – plucking your eyebrows. He tried to match the pictures he'd cut out of magazines. Truly, he'd never even considered that women had to do this. Next it was the make up and the false eye lashes. '_Who knew that there was a tool to curl your eye lashes?' _he asked himself. '_Damn he'd already been at this for 45 minutes; I need to be quicker.'_ He put in the false teeth and then carefully applied the bright red lipstick which would be matched by the nail varnish on the false nails. Finally, an hour and a half later, he was ready. He'd put on the foundation garment to give him the semblance of curves and topped it with a black skirt and red cowl neck jumper. He knew he'd have to change at the studio but hopefully he'd have his own dressing room, wouldn't he? Going into Tosh's room he shook her gently.

'Mom?' she said sleepily, only half joking.

'What'd you think?' Jack asked.

'Turn around,' Tosh suggested, and then considered her answer. 'You look very nice.'

'The hair's not right,' Jack observed.

'No, just let me.' Tosh moved the wig about until it felt right, a little softer. 'Well, it works, but if you don't mind me saying - don't play hard to get!'

Filming started early and by the time Jack arrived at the studio everyone else was there. One of the assistants showed him to his room. 'You'll be in room 4, Miss Jackson, and we'll need you in about 15 minutes. Jack opened the door and was greeted by the sight of one of the show's actresses, dressed only in the skimpiest of bra and knickers. He wasn't sure where to look. '_Shit! I am sharing after all! Get yourself together, Harkness! You're supposed to be a middle aged woman and not one with lesbian tendencies!'_

'Hi, I'm Lisa Hallet,' he heard the girl say. Jack tried to concentrate on something else. 'My, that's a very nice table; it's so smooth and has lots of room for putting things on. And it has a very useful socket …. for a plug. _God he was talking nonsense_.' The assistant came back in and handed Jack the day's script revisions.

'Oh they always do things like that,' Lisa told him. Jack looked at the script and then realised what he was going to have to do that day.

'Oh my goodness! I have to kiss Dr Brewster!' he exclaimed.

'He kisses all the women,' Lisa explained. 'We call him the Tongue!'

Now, Jack had been kissed by more than a few men before and had done a whole lot more, but somehow, dressed as Harriet, this seemed all wrong. How the hell was he going to get out of this one? He didn't want to be sacked on his first day.

The first scene of the day was being set up. It involved a young female violinist who'd fallen through the ice while playing during a thaw. Nurse Charles, played by the young, gorgeous and Welsh, Ianto Jones, had been taking special care of the patient who'd formed a fixation on him. The young actor was sitting on the bed, swinging his legs, as John Hart bossed everyone around.

Ianto wasn't sure what he saw in Hart; true he was attractive, but Ianto knew he played around with anything that breathed. Sometimes this was useful; he knew there was something going on with Lisa but as Lisa was his cover often enough, he wasn't going to make a fuss. He wasn't naïve enough to think that Hart wouldn't bed anyone he could. Still, it didn't hurt to have something that he could use in future. Things were changing in the industry and it was well known that many stars were gay, but to be openly gay, that was a little more unusual and Ianto knew that. Although Hart flirted with everyone, he wouldn't do anything too obvious on set. He watched as Hart gave the girl directions; she was too demanding and Ianto could see that she wasn't going to last.

Meanwhile, Jack had changed into the clothes he was expected to wear and was watching from the sides, still looking anxiously at the script, when he felt a presence alongside him.

'You're Harriet Jackson, aren't you? I'm Owen van Harper. We're up next.'

As he spoke he sprayed mouthwash onto his tongue. Jack swallowed hard. Van Harper wasn't really that old in real life but the character was greying at the temples and seemed to have been around for years. '_Shit! I'm really going to have to kiss him_!' Jack thought.

'Ianto, come over here,' Hart continued. 'Now, you've got to stuff the tubes back up her nose. Remember she thinks that you're her boyfriend, the one who fell through the ice, so you're going to have to grab on tight and struggle.' Off camera the assistant asked if Ianto wanted anything to eat. Hart replied for him. 'No, he's fine! Now, it's a struggle, but you're struggling with yourself as well. This woman wants to give herself to you.'

'And I let her, I guess.' Ianto agreed, knowing his place. He knew he was the eye candy in this role.

'Now, Anthea,' Hart continued, 'Ianto is going to try to help you but all you can think is that this is your boyfriend and you want him to kiss you, to hold you, to make love to you. The mere sight of him inflames your desire.' As Ianto bent down, Hart briefly ran his hand across his ass and whispered in his ear, 'God knows you always inflame my desire wearing these.' Jack watched from the door, torn because of the way Hart was treating Ianto, but also because he knew he found the young man devastatingly attractive. Hart saw him for the first time.

'Everyone, this is Harriet Jackson who'll be playing Emily Kimberley, the new hospital administrator.' Ianto put out his hand.

'Hi, I'm Jones, Ianto Jones, the so called hospital stud or slut really.' Ianto's smile and blue eyes were just gorgeous and Jack felt himself falling until he was pulled back to reality by Hart explaining the scene to van Harper. He'd been with the show since the beginning and become part of the furniture, but it was well known that van Harper was a lousy actor, totally terrified, who used the teleprompter for every line.

The scene began with Ianto wrestling with the patient. Somehow, totally unplanned, Ianto ended up in Jack's arms. So much of Jack hoped that this could happen again for real. Later, in the corridor, Emily Kimberley faced up to Dr Brewster.

'You haven't changed, Emily,' Brewster began.

'But I have, Medford.'

'You know, Emily, you and I could rule Southwest General together. I admire people with power, especially women with power.' Van Harper moved in for his kiss to be met with a clipboard smacking him hard over his head. In the galley the production team held their breath but went with it. To the side Ianto couldn't help giggling. Jack continued; he was on a roll now. 'I'm afraid you've underestimated me, Dr Brewster. If you mean to win me over you're going to have to deal with my mind, not my lips!'

Jack knew the lines worked with his character, but was he going to get away with it? Van Harper just stood there, shell-shocked. Jack knew that he had to explain himself and quickly, or this was going to be his shortest role since the tomato.

'Sorry, Mr Hart, I just thought how you said my character had to be threatening and I acted on instinct.' Jack explained, crossing his fingers as he tried to sound as sincere as possible.

'It was a good instinct; it would have been mine,' Ianto agreed as he passed by.

'Now,' said Hart, 'it happened to be a good instinct Toots, but next time check with me.' Breathing a sigh of relief, Jack agreed to follow the script knowing, of course, that he wouldn't, especially if Hart kept calling him Toots. It was just a question of how much he could get away with.

'Thanks for catching me earlier,' Ianto said. 'You literally saved my ass.' As he walked away Jack watched the most perfect rear he thought he'd ever seen and thought, '_I'd save that ass any time you want_.' He didn't notice van Harper come up behind him. Jack turned when he heard a voice.

'Harriet, I just wanted to say that I loved what you did in our scene. Welcome aboard.' When Jack tried to reply, van Harper grabbed him and locked lips. Jack felt his tongue probing; he wondered if he should knee him in the balls for good measure but van Harper let him go and walked away, leaving Jack standing there, somewhat stunned.

Later, back at the flat with Tosh, Jack tried to improve Harriet's look as Tosh re-wrote the necktie scene, yet again.

'You wanna see this Hart guy, Tosh. He's so condescending to him and to all of us. He calls me Sweetheart or Honey; he doesn't even know my name. When he thinks no one is listening or watching he gropes Ianto and calls him Babes or Toots. If it wasn't for the dress I'd have kicked his ass.' He combed through one of the wigs he'd bought. 'Somehow, I think Harriet is smarter than me; she always seems to know what to say, so I want to make her look a bit better.'

Tosh knew all the signs. 'This wouldn't have to do with a certain young Welshman would it?' Jack didn't have time to answer; the phone rang and Tosh went to pick it up.

'No, don't answer it!' Jack yelled. 'Harriet lives alone. I don't want you to answer and have people think that you live with me. Christ, I'm enough of a stereotype in character already. I don't want the rumour mill to announce that I'm a lesbian; it would be all wrong for Harriet.'

'But what if it's Gwen or Mary, and you answer as Harriet? They'll think that there's some strange woman here,' Tosh asked.

'I'll get an answering service tomorrow,' Jack said finally. Tosh was feeling exasperated now. 'Look, Jack, when you were roaming around with a hump on your back I said nothing, but I'm a bit annoyed at not being able to answer my own phone because you're not that sort of a girl. That's weird. Now, as I am that sort of a girl I'm off to see Mary.' Tosh didn't want any of Jack's weirdness to come between her and her sexy blonde girlfriend; things had been going to well. She fingered the necklace Mary had bought her last week; it was beautiful.

'But Tosh, I'm doing this for you, for the play and for Gwen. Shit! Gwen! I was supposed to go round there tonight!' Ten minutes later he was giving Gwen a sob story about being ill.

'Oh, Jack, do you have a fever? Take two aspirin and 1000 units of vitamin C in milk only,' Gwen advised. '_She really is a sweet woman and so trusting_,' Jack thought

In the next few days the first scenes with the new hospital administrator went out. All around the country, in offices and homes, people watched as Emily Kimberley hit Dr Brewster over the head. The reaction was instantaneous as praise poured into the studio. Outside the studio people began to ask for Harriet's autograph and Jack knew that he'd arrived. After a week the fan letters began to arrive. Jack was ecstatic. The studio was going to find it difficult to get rid of him now. Now he'd have more of a say, one way or another.

'Harriet,' Ianto said as he came out of the studio, with an older man in tow, 'I want you to meet my Dad, this is Rhys.'

'Hi, it's nice to meet you,' Jack replied, shaking the man's hand but trying not to be too firm with his grip. 'I think your son is a great actor and the real star of this show.'

Later, Jack was sitting at home when Gwen rang to rearrange their dinner. 'Absolutely, I'll be there Thursday. No, I won't forget.' Gwen put the phone down happily and started to plan her menu.

The next day, at the studio, Jack ran through his lines with Lisa. It was weird how easily he was carrying this off. He was now used to Lisa standing there just in her underwear, what little there was of it.

'I like to think of you younger people as my children. Now, what sort of mother would I be if I didn't give my daughter tits, I mean tips, yes tips.' Lisa looked up briefly before continuing her exercise routine. Jack thought this was getting more complicated by the minute. He was also playing fast and loose with his scripts. He knew it was right; he knew Emily would take no nonsense from Dr Brewster and he was keen to see how far he could go now that Harriet, as an actress, was proving to be so popular. He'd seen the fan letters.

'Stop thinking of me as a woman, Medford and start thinking of me as a person. That's what we all are here at South West General, people.' As the scene cut van Harper came back in.

'I loved the way you held my face then, Harriet. I was totally in your power.'

'You had some good moments too, Owen.' They all turned as Martha Jones, the producer strode onto the floor.

'Listen up people! We need to stay late or we'll have to shoot this live as some fool of an engineer has destroyed yet another day's work,' Martha yelled at them all.

After they'd finished for the night Jack noticed Hart and Lisa in the shadows; they were kissing. '_So he'd been right about Hart. He didn't care where he put it about_. _Poor Ianto._' He wondered if Ianto knew about Hart's philandering. Suddenly, he was reminded of himself and his own behaviour; he looked away and then hurried back to his dressing room.

'Harriet, is that you?' he heard Ianto say.

'Does that happen very often?' Jack asked.

'We had to do it live once. You should have seen van Harper's face. Well, you couldn't see his face as we had to shoot him from behind, he was so panicked. Look, Harriet, we have 26 pages to learn for tomorrow. Do you fancy coming around and going through them with me. I could cook something. I'm a born defroster.' Jack found himself agreeing. Back home he went through his wardrobe desperately trying to find something to wear. Tosh sat and watched.

'I know it's stupid but it feels like our first date and I just want Harriet to look pretty for him.

'You know something, Jack. This is getting a little too weird, even for me.'

As Jack pressed Ianto's doorbell and smoothed himself down he wondered how the evening would go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Ianto opened the door. He was dressed in a pale blue sweat shirt which matched his eyes and grey sweat pants. He'd obviously not dressed up for the evening. Jack also noticed the baby's bottle he was carrying.

'What a pretty outfit; that colour really suits you.' Ianto said. Jack handed him the flowers he'd bought. Perhaps a little romance was in order.

'Oh you didn't have to do that,' Ianto explained but Jack was gratified to see that he looked pleased.

'This is a lovely apartment,' Jack said, meaning it.

'Really? I had a decorator in. You know what it's like. Before I had no money and since I've had money, I've had no time.' They both jumped as a rather stern looking woman came into the room declaring, 'Myfanwy is asleep, finally. Mr Jones, that child is never going to learn anything if you keep…..' Ianto interrupted her. 'Thank you, Mrs Guppy.' Jack wondered who Myfanwy was. There was obviously more to Ianto than he knew.

'She scares the shit out of me,' Ianto whispered. 'She's Myfanwy's nanny and she hates me.'

'Who's Myfanwy?' Jack asked.

'She's my daughter; she's fourteen months old. Her Mum was an actress but she didn't want to keep her and I did. I know it's a bit unusual but I wouldn't be without her. The job just makes it difficult. You got any kids Harriet? Ever been married?'

'No, no I haven't been that fortunate. There was a young man once, a brilliant young actor whose career was cut short by the theatrical establishment. He gave up acting and now he's working in a disreputable restaurant. I don't want to talk about it.' Ianto held out the wine bottle, which had obviously been open for a while.

'No I won't,' Jack said. 'I think I'll keep a clear head.' Jack knew that he needed to; this evening could turn out to be important. Ianto having a daughter was a complication, but it didn't stop Jack being interested. Ianto stared intently at Jack's face for a moment.

'_Oh shit_,' Jack thought, '_has he guessed_?'

'Can I ask you a question? Don't you worry about wearing all that heavy make up? I've really had to put them off turning me Californian orange. We never got a lot of sun in Wales, where I grew up. Mind you, I do moisturise; in this business they only want you when you're young.'

'It's much worse for women. I've been trying to get a decent role for years. Try getting a job when you're a woman of a certain age. And just for information, I have a little moustache problem; probably too many male hormones or something.' Jack laughed. Luckily he wasn't an excessively hairy man but the thought of a full body wax made him wince.

Ianto replied. 'Hmm, I've never been into hairy men myself, but I know some men find that attractive.' Jack spluttered a reply. 'I know, I know. I just don't like the men that find it attractive.' Jack grabbed a glass of wine. Suddenly, he wasn't sure that he was going to get through this evening after all.

Meanwhile, across town, Gwen prepared the dinner she was supposed to be eating with Jack that night. '_Surely he wouldn't let her down again_,' she thought.

'Tell me about John Hart,' Jack said. 'Why on earth did you get involved with that man?'

'John is hands down the best director of daytime drama. Don't call it soap in Martha's hearing, whatever you do.'

'I get that but you're together aren't you? I've noticed him … touching you.'

'Ah well, that's night time drama and he's interesting there too!' Ianto explained swallowing another mouthful of wine.

'Oh,' Jack replied carefully. 'You mean you have a good relationship.'

'What's a good relationship, Hatty? You don't mind if I call you that do you? John and I have some things in common and not everyone would put up with the hours I have to work. He has his talents.' Ianto raised an eyebrow indicating that he wasn't referring to his directing ability.

'But how does he treat you?' Jack asked pointedly.

Ianto looked at him and then into space before forming a reply to the question. 'You don't think that I do this without a plan, do you? There are a lot of men out there. I had to choose very carefully after I'd decided to go with where this body led me. I tried to go straight – hence Myfanwy - but I couldn't hack it. This business is a bit unforgiving of anyone who doesn't conform; you must understand that after being in the business as long as you have, Hatty. Being with John allows me certain freedoms and I'm selective about my men. I look around carefully and when I find the one who'll give me the worst time, only then do I make my move. To the outside world I'm something else and I hate that I have to behave in this way. John really doesn't care who he sleeps with, as long as he gets what he wants. I'm realistic enough to know that, but he's good for me at the moment and I play the game. Me and Lisa are seen out on the town and he has both of us. I'm not naïve, Hatty, I know about them. Come on; let's run some lines before I get too maudlin.' The cries of a baby came from next door and a little while later Jack sat opposite Ianto and his daughter as they ran through the lines. Jack found the image of Ianto with one arm around his daughter and the other holding his script strangely alluring. People always said that a single man with a child attracted women like a moth to a flame; well, it seemed to be working on him too. Ianto continued reading the lines.

'Try saying it as if it's a surprise,' Jack advised. 'I'll ask you a question and you answer it.' Jack thought carefully about what to say. He'd noticed Ianto had a problem and it worried him. 'Why do you drink so much?' Ianto read the lines and had to admit that it was much better. Jack repeated the question. 'So, why do you drink too much?'

'Because it's not fattening and it's not good for me and there's not much you can say that about. I started young, Jack. Not much else to do in the council estates of Cardiff, other than hanging around on street corners. You don't need to worry about it!'

'So you're saying that I should mind my own business?' Jack asked. They continued running through the lines. Abruptly, Ianto stopped and looked at Jack.

'It's all too complicated isn't it? Relationships are complicated. I've no idea how you feel about homosexuality, Hatty, but being a gay man in the 80s, in this business, you'd think it shouldn't matter, but it does. And why is it only women who get to be wined and dined? What's wrong with wanting a little romance? Why do men expect to just take you into some back room or alley or back to their place and that you'll just let them fuck you there and then? At least you brought flowers because you're a woman and you understand. I've never been one for the one night stand, especially if that means standing in some toilet. You wouldn't believe some of these places, Hatty, and what goes on in the back rooms. Why can't a man just get asked out on a date like a woman? Why does it all have to be about sex? I made dinner for John last night and guess what, he didn't show up.'

Having noted Ianto's comments about dating Jack suddenly realised. '_Shit! Gwen! He was supposed to be having dinner with Gwen! He was exactly the sort of man that Ianto hated_.' He put down his cup.

'Oh my Lord! What time is it? I've got to go. Thank you, it was a wonderful dinner.' Jack hurried out. It was after 10.30. What the hell was he going to say to Gwen? First he had to get out of these clothes. He arrived at Gwen's flat still breathing heavily, clutching the ice cream he hoped to give as a peace offering. Gwen opened the door. The look on her face said it all.

'It's no good Jack, I saw her, the fat woman going into your apartment!'

'Fat woman?' Then he realised who she meant. 'You think she was fat?' he said, insulted on his alter ego's behalf. 'It's alright; she was there to work with Tosh on the script.' Gwen looked unconvinced. 'Huh, since when does Tosh collaborate on her writing?'

'She's a typist and has known Tosh for years. What, do you think I'm having an affair? I can assure you that I'm not having an affair with that woman. It's impossible!'

Gwen looked crushed again. 'Sorry Jack, I don't want to make trouble. I should never invite people over.' She slumped down, head in her hands.

'Gwen, stop it. Don't apologise because I'm three hours late.' This was typical of Gwen and one of the reasons why they would never get together.

'But you've been so great helping me with that audition. It's that soap! I'm just so annoyed. Have you seen that cow they hired?'

'Cow?' Jack said, curious to see where this was going.

'She's awful. She's supposed to be tough, right. She's not tough, she's a wimp.' Now Jack was concerned. Gwen may not be the world's best actress but he was interested in her opinion and she was talking about him.

'I'd heard she was quite good and to be fair, she doesn't make up her own lines. She can only work with what she's given,' Jack said defensively.

'I think she should make up her own lines. They couldn't be any worse,' Gwen replied emphatically. Jack spent the rest of the night thinking about what Gwen had said.

The next day Jack had a scene with a woman who'd been battered by her husband. He heard Gwen's words resounding in his head. There was no way that Emily Kimberley would tell this woman to have therapy and Jack knew it. Could he get away with it? Now was the time to find out; he did the lines his way.

'Don't lie there and cringe and say that your husband beats you but you can't move out! Why should you? D'you know what I'd do? Well, I'd pick up the heaviest thing I could find and smash their brains in before I'd let them hit me again!' For good measure Jack picked up a plant and smashed it against the wall. Once again he had to get his explanation in quickly. 'May I say in my own defence, Miss Jones, that to tell a woman who's been beaten up to get therapy is just a load of horseshit! I wouldn't do it. Would you?' He heard silence from the gallery. Jack knew he had it. This was fun. He knew he could do something with this role. He had something to say to women and for women. This was his chance and, from now on, he was going to take it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

A few days later Ianto found himself at yet another function put on by the company to 'meet' the public. This sort of occasion could be fun, or boring, depending on the public that came. He'd invited his father to this one and Rhys Williams was wandering around the set amazed to be this near to the famous people with whom his son now worked. His father had moved to America to work for an agricultural company when Ianto was young but he retained his Welsh accent. In fact he deliberately played on it.

'Come on boy! You know that the women love these lovely Welsh vowels,' Rhys always told his son. And here was the problem. Ianto hadn't told his Dad that he was interested in men as well as women, but he knew that his Dad was lonely on the farm since his mother had died. They had been totally dedicated to each other and his Dad had taken her death hard, but two years had passed since then. Perhaps it was time.

'I was hoping to see Harriet Jackson here today,' Rhys said looking around. Ianto sensed his father was more than casually interested.

'Yeah, sorry Dad she's got another function to go to today and she's in demand all over the place at the moment with photo shoots. I'm sure she said that she had some more planned later in the week. Tell you what. We're filming tomorrow; why don't you stay over with me? You know how Fanwy loves having her Granddad around and you love it too. You could come and watch us filming. Harriet will be there.' So the next day Rhys joined Ianto on the set and watched as Harriet did her stuff.

Jack was having the time of his life. He'd done a photo shoot for the TV Guide the day before. He had more scheduled for later in the week and then there were the chat shows. He truly believed that he had things to say to the women of the USA and he intended to say them. He also intended Emily Kimberley to say them as well.

In the next scene, Jack, as Emily, was sitting in her office. The word, 'action' sounded across the studio and Lisa Hallet came in and sat down in front of the desk.

'I know I'm pretty and I use it,' she cried dabbing at her eyes. 'I guess I shouldn't have gone into Dr Brewster's office so late!' She burst into tears. Jack wondered what he could get away with in this scene.

'Well, no, that's not true; it's not your fault. Dr Brewster has tried to seduce several nurses. I've even warned Nurse Charles to stay away just in case he has a thing for all nurses.' Up in the gallery there was an intake of breath.

'Just go with it,' Martha said. Across the room Owen van Harper's face was a picture at the implication being made. Jack continued. 'He always claims to be in the throes of an uncontrollable impulse so everyone needs to beware, even myself. Do you know what I'm going to do?'

'Oh God, what now?' Hart shouted. Martha put a hand over his arm to stop him shouting cut. Jack smiled to himself. 'I'm going to give every nurse a cattle prod so they can just zap him in the badubies!'

Up in the gallery Hart had had enough but Jack was in full flow and Martha was too busy laughing to take any action. Jack picked up the phone. 'Ruby, hi, do you want to open up the yellow pages and under the section farm equipment….'

Jack was triumphant. No one had challenged him. He was getting away with changing scripts, he was on the cover of practically every magazine; he'd had his photo taken with Andy Warhol and tomorrow he was having the pictures taken for New York magazine. He felt unstoppable.

Across the other side of the studio Ianto watched as his father laughed and a plan began to form in his mind, a plan to find love for his father...

'But I am Harriet and Harriet is me!' Jack declared as he walked down the street with his somewhat incredulous agent.

'You're an actor, that's all; you're Jack Harkness, an actor!' the Doc protested.

'It's the same thing. I'm experiencing these feelings. Get me a special, Doc I have things to say to women!'

'You have nothing to say to women.' The agent couldn't hide the annoyance from his voice. Deep down he was petrified of being sued when the TV company found out the truth and he had no doubt that they would. He knew Jack too well to think he could keep his mouth shut forever. The last thing he wanted was Jack on TV 'advising' women. However, Jack continued to protest.

'That's not true I've sat beside a phone for years waiting for that call, that job, and now when I finally get a job, I have no control. I've got zip! If I could only impart that to other women like me!'

The Doc stopped dead in the street and turned to look at Jack. 'There are no other women like you, Jack; you're a man!'

'Yes I realise that, of course, but I'm also an actress and Doc, I'm potentially a great actress. I could do Medea, Ophelia, Lady Macbeth. It would be just like in Shakespeare's day.' He grabbed the Doc's arm. 'I could do a great Eleanor Roosevelt!'

'The Eleanor Roosevelt Story! Look Jack, there's a party at Phil Weintraub's place. Let's just go and have a good time. I'm inviting you as you, Jack Harkness. Jesus! Don't take yourself so seriously and forget the frock!

Jack decided to take Gwen to the party. 'What d'you want to drink?' he asked her.

'I'll have a double champagne please, Jack' Gwen felt slightly overwhelmed by the occasion. There were so many people here she'd only ever seen on the screen before and there was enough food available to feed an army. She couldn't help putting some in her bag for later. In the meantime Jack was collecting the champagne when he saw John Hart enter the room with Ianto and Lisa. Jack watched from the sidelines as a female agent collared Ianto pressing him against the wall. He could hear that lovely accent trying to get rid of her attentions: 'See Pamela, my agent; she does me for dinner!'

Having given Gwen her drink, Jack followed Ianto outside to the balcony. 'Great view, huh; only Phil could afford those lights.' Ianto looked at the handsome face and good body and wondered. He knew that Hart was off somewhere with Lisa chatting away to another actor or actress. Well, perhaps he'd get lucky too. The guy was obviously interested and Ianto didn't need anything complicated. What he really wanted tonight was someone to fuck him senseless into the mattress and this guy looked like a possibility.

'My name's Jack Harkness and you are?'

'Jones, Ianto Jones. I work on Southwest General.'

'Oh yeah, I recognise you; you're wasted in that role. Look, I've no idea whether you' be interested but do you fancy going out to dinner sometime? It seems to me that men like us just have endless one night stands but I like you and I'd like to get to know you before going any further.' Jack prayed this would work; it was what Ianto had said that he wanted.

'_No one asks you out like that_,' Ianto thought. He panicked; was this some journalist trying to out him? What the hell should he do to get himself out of this? It was a pity as the guy was hot but he couldn't take the risk. The glass of champagne was in his hand. He threw it at Jack.

'What makes you think I'd be interested in you? I've met your sort before in this business. I'm not that sort of man!' Jack wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. How had this all gone so wrong? He whipped his face round and watched as Ianto went up to Lisa and kissed her. He should have known better. All men were bastards and that included Ianto Jones!


	6. Chapter 6

Just a little chapter today - more tomorrow

**Chapter 6**

The next day they were back on the set and Jack couldn't help noticing the subtle changes in the scripts. He watched as Ianto, playing Nurse Charles, stormed into Brewster's office where April, played by Lisa, was sitting in the corner clutching her clothes. The implication was that this time Doctor Brewster had gone too far and the complaints against him were beginning to mount up.

'I understand who you really are and I'll no longer submit to your petty insults and humiliations regarding nurses and your insinuations about male nurses. It's not necessary now that Emily Kimberley is here.' Ianto pushed Brewster, played by Owen van Harper, back into his chair with some force and continued; 'Now there is someone who sees the truth and is your equal.'

Jack looked on and smiled. He loved watching Ianto work and the tight white trousers of his uniform just enhanced his enjoyment. The whole team watched; they all knew that the show had changed tone since Harriet had arrived. Jack felt that he had made his mark.

'I've filed charges against you, Dr Brewster. You'll be hearing about them tomorrow!'

'CUT!' The applause rang around the room. Ianto held up his hands in triumph / celebration; finally he was being allowed to act and show his true range.

'Well done, Ianto,' Martha shouted.

'All down to my coach,' Ianto said, looking at Harriet.

For a moment John Hart looked annoyed. He wasn't sure what was going on between the two of them but he was sure that he wouldn't benefit from it as Harriet was definitely not his number one fan.

'Alan, Owen I need you,' he began. He looked at Harriet. 'Tootsie, take a break.' Jack was indignant.

'John,' Jack responded quietly at first, 'my name is HARRIET, not Tootsie or Toots or Sweetie or Honey or Doll!' Everyone was watching now.

'Oh Christ!' Hart responded, rolling his eyes up to the heavens.

'Alan is always Alan and Owen is always Owen. I have a name too. It's Harriet, capital H A R R I E T Harriet!' With that Jack stormed off, slamming down the script, to find himself staring at a coffin on the next door set. Ianto joined him there.

'Did somebody die?' he asked Ianto.

'Violinist,' Ianto explained.

'I didn't know he was that ill.'

'He wasn't; he asked for a rise.' Jack was unsure what to say next. He wondered if he had finally pushed his luck too far. Ianto interrupted his thoughts.

'What are you doing for the holidays, Harriet? The baby and I are going to my Dad's farm upstate. It's not exactly the fast lane but it's kind of fun. Maybe you'd like to come along.' Jack's heart leapt. He had to control himself to answer. This was his chance to spend time with Ianto.

'You know since my Dad met you he's your biggest fan and, just in case you were wondering, John won't be there. Dad's a bit old fashioned; he wouldn't get me and John and he'd enjoy having some female company.' For a moment Jack was worried but he couldn't pass up the chance to be with Ianto.

Tosh looked at him as he packed for the weekend. He'd already fobbed off Gwen with yet another excuse as to why they couldn't rehearse that weekend.

'Don't do this, Jack!' Tosh begged.

'Why? I have two weeks until my contract ends and I'll probably never see Ianto again and if I did he'd probably throw a drink in my face.'

'I'm afraid you're going to burn in hell for this,' Tosh explained.

'I don't believe in hell. I believe in unemployment but not in hell. There,' he said as he closed the case, 'I'm sorted.' Jack couldn't wait; a whole weekend with Ianto. Finally he might be able to tell him the truth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Jack and Ianto talked ten to the dozen throughout the whole journey to the countryside. Ianto talked about his childhood a lot and about Rhys even more. It seemed to Jack that Ianto was hinting something about Rhys. Could it be that Ianto thought Harriet and his father would hit it off in a big way? '_I can do this, I can_,' Jack thought to himself. He wanted this time with Ianto and Rhys couldn't really be serious about Harriet after so short an acquaintance, could he? Rhys was there waiting for them as they got off the train. They drove to the farm. It was lovely but Jack was a city boy at heart.

Rhys showed Ianto to his room. 'I'm that side and Ianto is the other. There's a bathroom between you so just be careful you don't surprise each other in the middle of the night.' Jack raised an eyebrow and thought what a big surprise that could be for both of them!

The rest of the day was spent looking around the farm with Rhys taking the lead. Jack hung on as Rhys took him on a tractor ride and then insisted that Harriet should have try at milking a cow. Jack thought he'd never handled teats that large before! Later he watched as Ianto showed off his riding skills. Jack was thankful he was wearing a skirt as he watched Ianto's strong thighs gripping the horse as he rode. The man was truly gorgeous. When Rhys handed Myfanwy over for him to hold he was brought back to reality. He was surprised how lovely it felt to hold the baby in his arms. Perhaps being Harriet was bringing out his feminine side. He kissed Fanwy lightly on the head and carried her back towards the house.

They all cooked dinner together. Jack was a pretty good cook. They stood side by side as Jack chopped veg and Ianto made the sauce, holding out a finger to Jack for him to taste it. Jack couldn't stop himself and, as he ran his tongue around the finger, Ianto looked back somewhat surprised. The dinner was just perfect and, as the night was warm, they sat outside on the swing. Jack thought his moment had come; he'd tell Ianto the truth.

'Can I tell you something, Ianto?' he said breathily. But as he spoke, Rhys appeared. 'John is on the phone.' Ianto hurried inside to take the call.

'Damn,' Jack thought, as Rhys sat down next to him, making the swing creak ominously. Rhys put an arm around him and Jack realised that Rhys did indeed fancy him. This was going to be a bit difficult.

'It's getting a bit chilly. Perhaps we should go indoors' He needed to get out of this situation as soon as he could. 'I saw a piano. Perhaps I could play for a while?' Jack was a bit rusty, but as he played Rhys sang. He had the voice of many a Welshman and Ianto, who joined in with his dad, wasn't bad either.

'I think I need to go to bed,' Ianto said yawning. 'I'd forgotten the effect country air has on me.' Jack started to get up as well.

'No, you stay down here, Harriet. It'll give me time to use the bathroom.' Jack sat down opposite Rhys, hugging his brandy.

'It's funny,' Rhys began. 'I thought you'd be more like one of those liberators.'

Jack smiled 'You know, I'm not really like the woman on the show.' (Well that was an understatement.) 'That's just a part. I'm not all that militant.'

'Don't get me wrong, Harriet. I believe in equality, but I sometimes think women want to be men.' Jack gulped the brandy as Rhys continued. 'Like men are all equal in the first place, which we're not. Now you have all this stuff about men and women being more the same and well, we're just not; and certainly not on a farm. Here bulls are bulls!' Jack almost choked on his brandy. Rhys continued to chat, talking about his wife.

'Ianto tells me that you're not married.' Jack knew it; it was time to make a quick exit. He made his excuses and went upstairs. He got ready in the bathroom. The wig with rollers just wouldn't stay put and in his confusion he went through the wrong door. He was adjusting the wig when Ianto spoke.

'Harriet, is that you?'

'Yes. Sorry! I went through the wrong door. I'm still a bit disorientated, I guess.'

'It's okay Harriet; stay for a bit. It's been lovely having you here. My Dad is a big fan of yours. He really loved my Mum and he's been pretty lonely since she died. She helped me choose this wallpaper. I wanted black, typical teenager, but she persuaded me that this would be easier to live with so I got purple. I made a million plans looking at this wallpaper.' Ianto yawned and turned away from Jack. 'Sorry, I'm tired now.'

'Night, Ianto.' He reached his hand over and stroked Ianto's hair. Ianto sighed contentedly, wishing Harriet could stay and carry on stroking until he went to sleep.

The next day it was back to work. Whilst sitting with the others, an assistant brought in a box of chocolates for Harriet. Jack realised that they were from Rhys.

'What a thoughtless gift to give a woman,' Owen said. A few minutes later Jack was called in to see the producer, Martha Jones, sitting behind her large desk.

'You know Harriet, you're a complicated lady. On the one hand, you're a real pain in the ass. I've got one of the most expensive directors in soaps.' She stopped. 'Damn! I owe myself a quarter. And you've got him defensive and hostile. However, we're getting 2000 letters a week and we've picked up share points. And that's down to you; you're the first woman character who is her own person. You're a breakthrough lady for us. We're picking up your option for another year. Congratulations!' Jack fixed his smile as he panicked; he couldn't do this for another year! As soon as he left the office, he phoned the Doc.

'I'm sorry Jack, there's no way out of it; it's their option. You signed the contract.'

'But I didn't know I could' be working as a woman for the rest of my life! '

'Look, Jack, they've increased your wage; it's a good deal.'

'Sort it Doc, or I'm going to tell them.' Jack was desperate. So was the Doc. 'Tell them what? My secretary loves Harriet Jackson! She wants to be Harriet Jackson! They'll kill you! This is major fraud. What about me? You got to make it work!'

Later, back at the flat, Jack tried to talk to Tosh. 'Perhaps you could do something filthy?' she suggested. 'But then again I can't think of anything that they haven't already done on the show!' The phone rang. It was Ianto in a bit of a state. He'd decided to finish with John and needed a babysitter, urgently. Pulling on his Harriet guise in double quick time, Jack rushed over to Ianto's apartment. He found Ianto determined but knocking back the wine as he rushed around.

'You've influenced me, Harriet.' Jack was shocked but pleased. 'You wouldn't compromise your feelings or live this kind of lie.' It sounded like Ianto was going to out himself completely, as well as getting John out of his life.

'You need to think about this, Ianto. It's a big step. Give yourself some time.'

'What the hell! I'll live, maybe not happily, but honestly,' Ianto declared adding: 'That sounds like something you'd say.'

'Ianto, you mustn't idealise me. Honesty, in many ways, is a relative term.'

'Listen my father is coming later. Don't tell him about me and John; I'll do that myself. But I'm pretty sure he'll want to see you later.'

'_Oh no_,' Jack thought, '_not again_!' His thoughts were interrupted when Ianto came up and kissed him briefly. Jack felt those soft lips on his and just wanted more. He was rooted to the spot until the moment came crashing down as Ianto said, 'I can feel that little moustache perhaps you should put some make up on it.' Jack reached for his compact. He was still dabbing at his upper lip when the doorbell rang. Ianto let John in before disappearing to change. John sauntered into the room, stopping when he saw Harriet.

'Hi honey, I can call you that when we're not working? You don't like me, do you? There's not many people, men or women, I can't make like me. Why don't you like me?'

'I don't like the way you treat Ianto. I don't like the way you patronise him. He's worth more than a quick secret shag every now and again.'

'Look, I've never promised Ianto anything. He knows how things are. I can't tell people about us, can I? So I see other people; he knows that. So what's wrong? If someone wants me to seduce them I usually do; I'm the victim here!'

'Bullshit, John. I understand you better than you think!' John looked unsettled by that; he'd never come across anyone quite like Harriet before and it unnerved him. He didn't like that!

Ianto came back in. 'Oh Harriet, she never wakes up.'

'Go Ianto, how much trouble can a baby be?' These were to be famous last words, of course!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It didn't matter what he did, Myfanwy screamed, then she screamed, and then she screamed again.

'Don't do that, I love you!' Jack cried, as he ran around. He cuddled her and lifted her up; he tried just about anything and everything to distract her, all the time thinking how Ianto made parenthood look so easy. 'Please don't cry. Come on, look who the funny clown is talking to.' Jack lay on the floor surrounded by everything he could find but nothing stopped Myfanwy screaming. '_Perhaps food might work_,' he thought.

'Come on, eat some more. You told me to open this one; it's apricot.' Of course, there was more food on Myfanwy than in her by this stage. Jack had by now opened several jars of baby food and after cleaning up, the kitchen, Myfanwy and himself, he was exhausted, unlike Myfanwy, who was still letting her displeasure be known. By the time Ianto arrived home, Jack was snoring while Myfanwy played with the toys that were all around her, quiet now.

'Harriet, I'm back.' Jack woke suddenly. 'How was Fanwy? Was she any trouble?' Ianto asked.

'No,' Jack lied. 'She was an angel. How did your evening go?'

'Fine,' Ianto replied rather tersely, as he looked in on Myfanwy and then slumped down onto the nearest sofa.

'What's the matter, Ianto?' Jack asked. 'Tell the truth now, are you really alright?'

Ianto kept his head down so Harriet couldn't see the tears in his eyes. 'No. Oh God, Harriet, I hate myself for being like this. I don't even like John that much!' Jack sat down beside him. 'You know something funny, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way. But since I met you, I'm so grateful to have you as a friend, a mentor even, and yet at the same time I've never felt so lonely in my whole life. It's as though I want something that I just can't have. Do you know what I mean?'

Jack found himself leaning towards Ianto without even thinking about it. Ianto turned to finally look at him. 'Well, do you?' he asked again. That was it; Jack had to kiss him. He wanted to kiss away the pain from those shining blue eyes which were filled with tears. As their lips inched together he thought, '_This is it! Finally I get to feel those lips on mine.'_'

'Harriet!' Ianto shouted backing away in horror.

'Ianto!' Jack had to explain. Ianto had to understand this was not how it seemed; he wasn't some middle aged woman making a pass at a younger man.

'My God, Harriet! What are you doing?'

'Please Ianto, let me explain,' Jack said.

'No, Harriet, please don't say anything.' Both of them were on their feet with Ianto backing away from Jack, confusion written large all over his face. Jack didn't know what to do. How could he explain?'

'There's a reason...,' he started.

'Harriet, I understand, I really do, but you know that I've just decided that I need to be honest to myself. I'm gay, Harriet, and I just can't see you in that way. I never will. I'm so sorry.'

'No Ianto, I'm not who you think I am!' Jack was desperate to explain.

'I'm sorry Harriet. I know I nearly kissed you back on impulse but ….'

'That impulse was a good impulse, Ianto; if you could only see me out of these clothes!' Ianto swallowed hard. He really didn't want to insult Harriet. She'd become really important to him and there was his father to consider. As the thought went through his mind the phone rang. '_Oh hell, that would be his father now_,' he thought.

'That'll be my Dad. Harriet, he thinks he's in love with you; you've got to tell him the truth. You don't want him do you? Please don't lead him on. You've got to see him and let him down gently. You owe me that much!' Jack didn't think he could handle anymore that night. He'd already lost Ianto. He didn't think he could deal with Ianto's lovelorn father as well but Ianto handed him the phone and he found himself saying, 'Hi Rhys. Yes, I'm fine. Tonight? Alright, I'll see you in about half an hour.'

Thirty minutes later Jack was sitting in a restaurant booth with Rhys wondering what the hell he was going to say to Ianto's father. All he could think was that he'd lost Ianto and the thought was tearing him apart. 'Let's dance,' Rhys said, grabbing Jack by the hand before he could object and dragging him onto the dance floor.

'Oh no, I can't; I don't usually,' Jack tried to explain.

'You'll love it; follow me.' Rhys put his arms around Jack leaving him with no choice but to follow. Rhys turned out to be quite light on his feet for a larger man. Jack was whisked around the floor as various people stopped to congratulate Harriet on playing Emily Kimberley. Eventually, Rhys let him sit down again.

'I was really happy you could come out tonight,' Rhys began, 'I've got something I want to say to you.'

'Rhys, there's something I want to say too,' Jack said, hoping to tell Rhys the truth.

'Mine's pretty simple. I'm not good with words. I only took two good pictures in my life and my wife was standing next to me in both. Now, I never thought I'd want anybody to fill her place, but... I know this is rather quick.' Rhys reached in his pocket and then opened the small box revealing a ring, a modest diamond solitaire.

Jack almost screamed. He wasn't sure what you'd call the noise that came out of him.

'Don't say anything now,' Rhys said. 'Just say that you'll think about it.'

All Jack could say was, 'No please. I need to be alone to think this over.' Jack grabbed his bag and ran out as quickly as he could.

'How the hell could this day be worse?' he wondered as he got out of the taxi. It only took a few seconds to get an answer, for waiting outside his apartment he found Owen van Harper.

'Harriet,' Harper began. Jack shook his head in disbelief. '_This is a nightmare!_' _Officially, this is now a complete and utter nightmare!'_

'Could I come up for a drink, Harriet? I've been waiting here for you. Please!'

'No, Owen. I'll see you tomorrow!' Jack slammed the door and ran up the stairs, throwing himself into the apartment and locking the door behind him. He was still breathing heavily when he heard the singing coming from outside; Van Harper was giving his all to '_I'll Know' _from _Guys and Dolls. _Jack opened the window.

'Get up here before the neighbours complain,' he shouted. Owen was in the apartment in less than a minute. Jack gave him a drink. 'Now what is it that couldn't wait, Owen?'

'Harriet, I'm just an untalented would-be dramatic actor,' Van Harper began.

'Have you ever been in any other programme?' Jack asked.

'No,' Owen replied simply.

'Well, we all know that you're always going to be a wannabe, Owen.'

'I love the way you never let me get away with anything.' Owen downed the drink he'd been given. 'Harriet, I want you; I've never wanted a woman this much in my life. There's just something about you Harriet that makes you so unique, so alluring. I have to have you now!'

'_Oh God, no_!' Jack thought '_Two in one night! Who'd have thought that a rather frumpy middle aged woman would get this much action?_'

Owen launched himself and grabbed Jack. He tried to kiss him. 'I don't want a relationship, Harriet,' he said. 'I'll take straight sex!'

'_Not from me you won't_,' Jack thought as he desperately tried to get away. Suddenly the door opened to reveal Tosh. Jack found himself at a loss for words but suddenly thought how he could rescue himself.

'This is Tosh; we live together, Owen. You know we LIVE together!' Light dawned on van Harper's face. 'Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. I'd better leave.'

'I think that's best,' Jack agreed.

'Gee I hope I haven't….' Tosh began. Owen looked at her with what passed for his serious and sincere face.

'No, I hope I haven't. I want you to know for the record that nothing happened here tonight, Tosh.'

'Thank you, Owen,' Tosh said, trying to keep a straight face. Owen looked back at Jack. 'I'm sorry, Harriet. I didn't understand. Please don't talk about this.'

'My lips are sealed, Owen,' Jack said.

As Owen closed the door, Tosh looked at Jack. 'You slut!' she said.

'Look, don't start with me,' Jack replied, slumping onto a chair. 'Rape is not a laughing matter. That guy wanted me. You cannot believe the night I've had!'

'I think I can imagine,' Tosh said, taking off her coat.

'No you can't; I saw the look in his eyes. I was in big trouble. If he'd grabbed me it would have been end of story and me in the headlines!'

'Why did you let him in?' Tosh asked sitting down too.

'He was bloody singing' Jack explained removing his wig. They both jumped when they heard a bang at the door and a familiar voice crying out.

'Oh God no, it's Gwen. I can't do this as well, not tonight!' Jack started to undress; he had to get in the shower. He motioned to Tosh. 'Gwen? Is that you?' Tosh shouted. 'Give me a minute. I was asleep and Jack's in the shower.'

Gwen wondered what the hell was going on. 'Open the door; I can hear you both!' Tosh pulled the door open. Gwen came in as Jack re-entered wearing a bathrobe and rubbing his now wet hair. Tosh could see that Gwen was mad so she made a quick exit.

'Where have you been, Jack? I've called you every day and you haven't replied.'

Jack picked up the chocolates that Rhys had bought him and handed them over.

'Sorry! The answering machine is on the blink. I bought you these.' Gwen looked at the pink wrapped package and then opened the card.

'_Damn_!' Jack thought, trying to grab the card. 'Don't read that; I was in a very bad mood when I wrote it.'

Gwen read the card out loud. 'Thank you for a lovely night in front of the fire. Missing you, Rhys.' Gwen looked puzzled. 'A guy called Rhys bought these. Did he give them to you? Who is he, Jack? I might have known you couldn't keep it in your pants! Why did I think you liked me? I've really seen never seen you with another woman. Oh yeah you flirt, but it never goes any further. You've never had a serious relationship with a woman, have you? You're gay, aren't you, Jack? You were just trying to humour me. What was I, a last experiment? I want the truth, Jack.' She sat there looking at him. Jack knew that she wanted him to say that he did love her, that he did fancy her.

'Okay, Gwen, I'll tell you the truth. It's not Rhys but I am in love with another man.' Gwen jumped up, putting her head in her hands and screamed. They screamed at each other.

'Gwen, let's not lose our friendship. You matter to me.' Jack tried to let her down gently.

'Jack, you made me feel like this, I want you to know that. I don't take this shit from friends, only from lovers. And I should tell you to stuff your play, but I'm a professional actress, so I won't.' She looked at the box on the table. 'Are these real chocolate covered cherries?'

'I think so,' Jack said, too stunned to say anything else. Gwen grabbed them and strode out of the door, slamming it behind her.

Jack had to do something. Twenty minutes later he was at his agent's having woken him up. He paced the floor.

'Doc, you have got to get me off this show. Harriet could die or have an accident or something,' he pleaded.

'You'd need to show them a body that looked like you to beat their insurance but why do you care so much now? What's changed all of a sudden? I thought you were happy to be working.'

'I've fallen in love, Doc. I love Ianto, he plays the male nurse on the show but he thinks I'm straight, and female. I tried to kiss him earlier while dressed as Harriet. And Gwen, you remember Gwen don't you, thinks I've been lying to her and that I'm really completely gay!'

The Doc looked at him. 'Jack, I'm getting confused.'

'Well there's more. Tonight, Ianto's Dad asked me to marry him!'

'Asked you?' the Doc exclaimed.

'No, not me; he asked Harriet!'

'Bloody hell, Jack I can't cope with all this!' the Doc continued.

'YOU can't cope! How d'you think I feel. Owen van Harper thinks Harriet is a lesbian.'

'I thought you said that Harriet was straight and you were gay. Is Harriet a lesbian?' The Doc couldn't work it out at all.

'Rhys gave me a diamond ring,' Jack said sighing.

'What did you say to him?'

'I said I'd think it over. What else could I say,' Jack replied. 'I'm in trouble, Doc, serious trouble!'

'Well, Jack, I've no idea what but you're going to have to think of something and fast.'

Somewhere the Gods must have been smiling on Jack Harkness because the next day the perfect opportunity presented itself. The reel of tape for that afternoon's programme had been destroyed by a careless and now jobless technician. They were going to have to do the episode live. A plan began to form in Jack's mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

As everyone rushed around, Van Harper went into panic mode. 'Oh Martha, I don't see why we can't use the tape! Just because it's a little sticky!' he pleaded. Jack stood and watched as Ianto passed him without a word. He returned to his room and picked up the present, then knocked on Ianto's door. He could hear him talking on the phone and it sounded as if he was making plans to leave. Ianto was still on the phone when he opened the door. Jack held his breath; Ianto stood there bare-chested. He looked so good. Jack had never seen him like this. His pants were slightly undone. There was a line of hair that ran down his chest to below the line of those pants. Jack tried desperately to keep his eyes up at face level, when all the time he was imagining running his fingers over the pale skin and twirling his tongue around those nipples and placing little kisses from shoulder to shoulder … Suddenly he was brought back to reality when Ianto spoke.

'I'll call you back. Harriet, what are you doing here?'

Jack handed over the present. 'It's for Fanwy,' he said.

'Oh right, thanks,' Ianto replied, hesitantly. I understand that you weren't able to tell my dad last night so I think I'll explain it to him myself. I've a lot to talk over with him and, with my news to distract him, perhaps it won't be so bad.'

'You're going to tell him then?' Jack asked.

'Yes. Look Harriet, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you how much you've meant to me over the past few weeks. You taught me how to be myself, because you're always yourself.'

Jack felt so bad on hearing this, knowing the irony of what Ianto was saying but he hoped after today, when he found out the truth, that he would forgive him.

'But,' Ianto bit his lip as if not wanting to say the next few words. Jack loved how he looked and longed to hug him close, to make him feel safe and secure. 'But I just can't see you anymore, you know? I feel it would be leading you on. I really love you, Harriet but I just can't LOVE you!' Jack was left staring at the closed door.

Twenty minutes later they were all in position for Emily's party. Jack stood at the top of the stairs trying to rehearse what he planned to say. Up in the gallery John Hart sat hoping that Harriet would stick to the script this time. Someone counted them in and it all began. For Jack it was now or never.

'Let's all raise our glasses to Harriet Jackson. We're looking forward to having you with us for many years to come'

In their homes several people watched, knowing that this was going out live. Rhys sat at his kitchen table wondering if Harriet would say yes. Tosh sat in their apartment wondering what Jack was going to do and Gwen sat on the floor feeling nothing but anger and contempt for the woman who'd been cast in what should have been her role. Jack began his speech. It took all his effort to control his breathing. He felt like every inch of his body was shaking as he tried to walk down the stairs.

'Never would I ever have believed that I would be the object of so much genuine affection.' He stole a quick glance at Ianto and paused. Up in the gallery John Hart swallowed hard. 'Oh no, not now, not live! But there was no stopping Jack now.

'Which makes what I have to say all the more difficult; I need to set the record straight.' Jack walked down the stairs holding onto the banister for support. 'Oh God, what record?' Hart said looking at Martha, who simply shrugged her shoulders. There was nothing either of them could do and they knew it.

'You see, I didn't just come here as a hospital administrator; I came to settle a score.' The cast looked at each other knowing this wasn't the script they'd filmed previously. The autocue reeled around as Jack continued.

'Now you know my father built this hospital, what you don't know is that my father was a bully and a tyrant to his family; in fact he was an absolute dodo bird!'

Now Hart was really worried. 'Where the hell was the woman going with this?' Martha tried to calm him but Jack was rambling now, trying to find the words to reach his goal. He knew he was losing his thread but kept on.

'His oldest daughter became pregnant at 15 and was driven out of the house. She ran away, went to Tangiers and contracted a disfiguring disease. She raised her child as her sister.'

Hart's head was now in his hands. He'd given up. He'd be sacked for this. His career was over.

Jack rambled on trying to pull it all together. 'Her one ambition was to be a nurse and she came here to this hospital. She spoke out against injustice wherever she saw it.' Jack was now standing at the bottom of the stairs. 'You do understand that, don't you, Dr Brewster?'

'I never laid a hand on her,' van Harper replied, more confused than ever. This was all his nightmares coming true.

'Oh yes you did! And she was shunned by you nurses too, but she was deeply, deeply, deeply loved by her brother!' Jack was getting there.

'Her brother?' Hart shouted. 'There's a brother!'

'It was this brother who swore on the day of her death to follow in her footsteps and … and… just, just …..' Jack swallowed as the room froze; no one was breathing. 'Owe it up to her on her own terms!'

'Oh God, here come the terms,' Hart cried.

'As a woman!' Jack was so glad to get the words out. 'And just as proud to be a woman as she ever was. For I'm not Emily Kimberly, the daughter of Dwayne and Alma Kimberly. No, I'm not' Jack began to remove his eyelashes and then pulled off his wig and lowered his voice. 'I'm Edward Kimberly, her reckless brother!' Jack stood wig in hand and began to wipe the make up from his face. Ianto stood open mouthed with shock. The gallery erupted as Martha stood completely transfixed. She knew this would give them the greatest ratings of all time.

'I knew there was a reason she didn't like me!' Hart said.

Elsewhere Gwen screamed, Rhys dropped the food he'd been eating and Tosh clapped.

The cameras were still rolling so Jack went further. 'I'm Edward Kimberly and I've finally vindicated my sister's name. I'm lucky to be the woman that was the best part of my manhood, the best part of myself.' Jack was now speaking directly to Ianto, hoping against hope that he would forgive the deception. Hart yelled, 'CUT!' and Jack just stood there; it was done. Ianto walked towards him. He paused for a moment and then punched Jack as hard as he could before walking out. As Jack scrambled on the floor, van Harper leaned forward and asked, 'Does Tosh know?'

After that climactic episode Jack spent the next few days wandering around lost, not knowing what to do. Ianto had ignored his calls. Tosh's play was going ahead now that he was famous and there was no longer any talk of continuing his contract with the soap. He had one problem he needed to face, however, that couldn't wait any longer so the next day he went out of town, to Rhys' usual drinking venue and waited. Rhys arrived at his usual time and ordered a beer. Jack walked over and took the seat next to him. It took Rhys a few moments to realise who the good-looking man was. Jack pushed the ring box towards him; Rhys pushed it back. 'Why did you do it?' he asked.

'I needed the work,' Jack explained.

'The only reason you're still living is because I never kissed you. Ianto's told me everything. Did you enjoy the chocolates?'

'I gave them to a girl.' Jack replied.

'You like girls?' Rhys said somewhat surprised.

'I like Ianto; I think I love Ianto.'

'So you thought you'd show that by wearing a dress, did you?' Rhys looked at him. 'The truth is you were okay company.'

'So were you,' Jack replied, meaning it.

'Although I could have done without the dancing! I'm seeing a nice woman now and, believe me, I've checked her out,' Rhys said.

'Does Ianto ever mention me?' Jack asked, more in hope than expectation. All Rhys did was shake his head. Jack knew he couldn't leave it like this; he had to see Ianto. He knew where he had to go.

Ianto came out of the studio wearing his grey suit and red shirt. He looked good, so good. Ianto looked over and saw Jack; he walked away so Jack chased after him until he was along side his target.

'I saw your father,' he explained. 'He seems to have taken your news very well.'

'Yeah, he loves me and he'd kinda guessed with John around.' There was no warmth in Ianto's voice and he kept walking, never once looking at Jack.

'Your dad and I had a really good chat and played a few games of pool. We got on really well. How are things?'

'Oh you know, same as ever.' Ianto spoke about the show.

'I meant with you,' Jack explained.

'I know. You must be pretty hot now after your sensational revelation. Are you still doing Tosh's play?'

'Yeah I am; I owe her that and now people will come.' Ianto turned away to go around the corner then stopped as Jack asked: 'Can I call you sometime?' Ianto stood arms folded. 'I just did it for the work, Ianto. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, especially you.'

Ianto looked sad for a moment. 'I miss Harriet.'

'You don't have to,' Jack explained. 'She's right here and she misses you. Look you don't know me, but I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man. You've made me realise who I really am too, Ianto, and what I really want. Do you understand?'

Ianto shook his head. This was all too much for him. Jack was standing there and Ianto had to admit there was an attraction. He already loved Harriet so would it be such a great leap to love the man beneath the dress? Could he take that chance?

As if hearing his thoughts, Jack continued: 'I've just got to do it without the dress and try it in pants!' Ianto smiled for the first time and Jack's heart leapt. 'The hard part is over,' he said. 'We're already really good friends.'

Ianto looked at him a little sheepishly. 'Will you lend me that yellow outfit? I've got an audition for this part in a play where a man dresses as a woman to get a role. Sound familiar?' Ianto moved towards him.

'The Halston?' Jack asked.

'The Halston,' Ianto confirmed.

'Oh no, you'll ruin it! You'll spill wine on it or something!' They began to walk down the sidewalk.

'No, I won't,' Ianto protested, falling in step next to him.

'I want it back in one piece. It's my favourite,' Jack said. As they continued to walk both men knew that they had something. Whatever it was, they'd go on this adventure together.

**Thanks to those people who have reviewed. If you've read this I'd really love to hear what you thought.**

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**Pooky1234**


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